Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Confessions: Things That Make Me Anxious

Time for a confession post. I desperately need a massage. I have this huge knot in my shoulder that is killing me, and I need it gone before the half marathon on Saturday. 

But for some reason, the idea of calling to schedule a massage makes me very anxious. There is a spa right here on post, nearby, but I still just get so anxious. I can't explain it. 

Guess if you want some background, I have never had a massage before. I usually have J give me a shoulder rub and then he pops my back and I feel so much better. Well that's a little impossible right now. I have a heating pad on my shoulder and need to take some more ibuprofen. 

But why do I feel this way? Sometimes just talking on the phone with anyone at all makes me anxious, but usually only with people I don't know. I've been meaning to get a massage for a while now, and the anxiety keeps me from calling and scheduling an appointment. I have the money. I've even googled it so I have an idea of what to expect. I'm all prepared, right? But I can't make that phone call. 

It's one of those weird things about me. 

So. If someone feels the need to call the spa on post and schedule me a 30 minute massage, I would feel obligated to go. I'd even pay. But for some reason I have trouble forcing myself to do it. 

Oh the life of an introvert. I don't like dealing with people. 

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Update: Weight Loss and Fitness

I promised an update.

So, I did the 50K bike ride (30 miles) for the Tour de Tolerance on Sunday the 28th. It was chilly! I don't know my official time, but my Strava said I finished in 2:05 and some seconds. That's a PR for 30 miles.

Tour de Tolerance benefits the El Paso Holocaust Museum. It's a great place and if you're in the area, you should check it out.

On Saturday I have the half marathon for the first annual Fort Bliss Marathon. Here on post, so not a far drive or anything. I'm feeling pretty good about it.

I signed up for the Las Cruces Half Marathon on December 2. Some girls I know are also running it so maybe we can carpool up there. It's not very far, and after I get my car fixed I could drive a nice automatic vehicle up there if I need to.

I am hoping to start the Insane Amp'd pills on Thursday. They were supposed to be here yesterday, and the tracking number says they were delivered, but I don't have the package. I called USPS and they documented it and will contact my local post office. I call the local office first and it just rang for 2 minutes. Hopefully they will get it figured out tomorrow and get my package to me! I paid for that!

Basically, this supplement will boost my metabolism and help my body flush out toxins. So it will make me pee more. The lady I bought it from has used it herself. She has physical and medical issues that make working out very hard for her and that slow down her metabolism. She's able to lose weight with this. She said I will probably have less appetite but more energy. I need to be sure to eat at least 3 times a day, so that will be like I was in high school and beginning college. Some days I wasn't really hungry at all but ate because I knew I needed food.

I'm hoping this might help me with how much I sleep, too. I can get 8 or 9 hours and still be tired the next day. Boosting my metabolism might also help me regulate body temperature, so maybe I won't get cold so easily all the time.

I have been pretty bad since I ordered the stuff and kinda let myself go a little crazy, eating whatever. I'll weigh myself the day I start and keep track, maybe once a week, maybe not quite so often at first. I start with 1 pill a day and if that sits well I can move to the recommended 2 pills after a few days. I take them in the morning before eating anything, but not too long before I eat or it can upset my stomach.

I'll try to keep blogging regularly about it, along with my weekly My Body post. 

Monday, October 29, 2012

My Body: Thighs (and knees)

Let's start with the knees. I think I like putting a joint in with another body part.

My knees are bony. They have this knot that sticks out and makes kneeling painful. Thanks, Mom! When I do pilates and yoga, I have to have extra cushion under my knees. I used to think they were weak knees, but now I don't know what made me think that. It was probably just an excuse to not run. Ha! Lot of good that did me.

Otherwise, my knees are just knees. Although the left one has a purple scar that looks like a bruise and I think some nerve damage. When I had my fight with the sidewalk back in January I banged it really hard. It had this big numb spot for months after. It is still a little numb in a certain spot, but it gets more and more feeling back as time goes on. I have lots of little scars all over my legs. I have varicose veins. But I also usually have bruises, so I just don't think much about any of that.

Moving on to the thighs. Oh my thighs. I don't like them much. They are large and the inner thighs rub together when I run. And walk. The fabric of my pants tends to wear out at the inner thigh. If I'm not careful, I get chafe there. Although admittedly, it's not nearly as bad as it used to be. Since I've started losing weight, the rubbing isn't as bad or as frequent. I used to hate wearing skirts because my thighs would rub, and I also hate wearing pantyhose or tights. So no skirts. Pants for me.

I wear skirts now. Especially skirts with pockets. I love pockets. But I can wear a skirt all day and not worry about chafe on my thighs. Sometimes it will feel a little iffy, but I can use regular lotion and I'm fine. I have more skirts in my closet now than I've had probably since I was a little girl. I even have material to make myself a couple skirts. And I just realized I can put a cargo pocket on the long skirt I plan to make and it would be super awesome. Like, the awesome sauce. Oh yeah.

My thighs have also started to get some more muscle definition. Not as much as the calves, but it's still there. They're not the most flexible, but I'm working on that. Again, it's those damn inner thighs. That's where I'm least flexible. Which is part of why I'm doing the yoga. Flexibility, easing the tightness I get in my leg muscles, and I find it very relaxing. It helps me de-stress. I'm really falling in love with Yoga.

So as much as I don't like my thighs, I'm starting to like them more.

Tomorrow, if I remember, I'll update you on my races and weight loss. Next week - my hips and butt. 

Friday, October 26, 2012

My Body: Calves (moo)

I'm late! I should have done this Monday! Oh well.

Honestly, I've always liked my calves. They start at my tiny little ankles. I do have tiny ankles. As in skinny. And I have a beautiful tattoo on one of those ankles. I love dressy shoes that strap around the ankle because it shows off how tiny they are.

My calves have never been big, and always had a little definition. I didn't pay much attention to them as a kid. What kid looks at their calves? But I remember my sister once pointing out a muscle definition line down the outside of my calf and saying she was jealous of that.

Now that I'm running and biking, that muscle definition is more clear. It does make shaving a little more fun. I have to go over that area a second time, usually. But I love them. I like knee length skirts and capri pants that show off my calves. I have one formal dress that's tea length that I love. I wear it with strappy heels. I think my legs look awesome in it. Really, I love my calves.

It's probably an odd body part to like, but when people ask me my favorite part of my body, it's probably my calves. Although I do have trouble with tall boots sometimes. With my tiny ankles, the boots get slouchy in the ankle area. So I'm careful about what boots I get, but then, I'm careful about all my shoes :)

I guess this means I need a photo. BRB.

of course, it's the tattooed leg

not the best photo, but I can see my muscles!
Those are my calves. I have different feelings about my calves and thighs, so I wanted to blog them separately. There you have it. My favorite body part. 

Monday, October 22, 2012

A Successful Day

My head is feeling quite a bit better this evening. It still hurt when I woke up, so I took tramadol and tylenol. Went grocery shopping, then talked to J.

I was able to get the house pretty clean, even with breaks for my head. This afternoon I took a second dose of tramadol + tylenol and rested a bit. Then I decided to bake cookies. I had picked up a bag of Ghirardelli dark chocolate chips this morning. I used their recipe on the back. I don't know that it's any different than the Nestle Tollhouse recipe, but they turned out a little flat. Still tasty, though.
That's my Dr. Who shirt under the Dr. Who apron

A friend who is moving soon came over and had a cookie and beer, then I started on my wontons. I used my mom's recipe for a pork and shrimp filling. It made 35 wontons. I guess I fill them full because the recipe said I would get about 48.
baked, not fried

The wonton wrappers came with a recipe for crab rangoon filling. I didn't have crab, but I had cream cheese, so I made a few cream cheese filled wontons. Still had wrappers. I started thinking...

I chopped up an apple, sprinkled a little sugar and a lot of cinnamon, and then melted some butter on it. I filled the rest of my wrappers and sprinkled those ones with cinnamon sugar.
The little ones are cream cheese

So tomorrow I just have to cook some rice and make some tea. I picked up cute halloween plates to use (paper of course) and even a little halloween candy to put out. Did I mention that I like halloween? OH! and I grabbed a little box of rice candy and a box of pocky, and found a small bag of fortune cookies. I think I'm set for tomorrow night. 

Sunday, October 21, 2012


I cancelled my Weight Watchers account today. I'm still stuck at my plateau. It doesn't help that I'm on day 3 of a migraine.

So about the weight loss. I'm still going to keep tracking with my fitness pal. But I'm looking into try a supplement. I hate supplements. I don't really believe in them. But I'm at a point where I don't know what else to try.

I know 2 people using the one I'm looking at - my sister and her old high school friend. Dot was at a similar place to me, not a lot to lose, but stuck at a plateau. Her doctor agreed that she should try it and is monitoring her use of it. And it's working. She broke her plateau. Her friend is like me and doesn't believe in weight loss supplements, but again, hit a plateau. She did tons of research before choosing this supplement.

It's called Signature SKINNY Insane AMP'D. You take 2 pills in the morning before breakfast. That's easy enough. The lady Dot orders from is in our home state of Wyoming. I can call her and talk to her about it, see if that one is the best one for me, or if I should start with another one. 

As for the migraine, yeah. Started friday, the kind with side effects and little pain. Let me take that back. I had the invisible headband (where it feels like I have a headband on, or my sunglasses on my head, but I don't) and mild vertigo, but that was it. Friday had more pressure, some vertigo, and mild pain with lots of tension in my neck and shoulders. 

I had planned on a bike ride Saturday, but woke up with the migraine still. I spent all day in my PJs. Did manage to dye my hair. This morning I didn't have the side effects, but the pain was coming stronger. After 2 days of maxalt, I switched to tramadol. I've been able to just do 1 pill every 6 or so hours. My upper back is very sore, so I'm also taking ibuprofen. 

This really has to go away. I need to clean house tomorrow. Book club is Tuesday. I'm making wontons and white rice. I think I'll do some iced green tea as well. Oh yeah, you may not know, we're doing a Chinese and Japanese theme potluck since our book was about a Chinese American boy and a Japanese American girl. 

Anywho, it's windy out, stormy, and I keep getting vertigo. I think I should go to bed. 

Monday, October 15, 2012

My Body: Feet First

I honestly don't remember what inspired this. But I was in bed the other night, thinking about how I should do this blog. And it turned into a series of blogs. It started with my feet, I know that much. I was thinking I should write about my feet, which are not a favorite body part of mine. I was composing an Ode to my feet in bed. I moved on and thought I should cover all the main body parts (I'll skip the innards) from the feet to my head. So here we go!

Feet. Feet were meant to be ugly. My feet are complicated. I have a deformed toe on each foot (really, I do). I have tiny little toe nails that are impossible to paint. I have an odd space between the big toe and the next toe, and then the rest are all crammed together. I have a narrow heel, slightly high instep, and wide toe box. I have no arch. Zero. Nada. Zilch. That makes me pronate (feet roll in) quite a bit. Why doesn't my browser recognize pronate as a word? 

Shoes are a whole other story. I remember as a kid having the shoe guy glue foam arch supports in my shoes. They were never comfortable. I grew up knowing that the cheap flat shoes that I loved were "bad" for my flat feet. As I got older I would go through stages of cheap shoes, to nice shoes with good arch support, back to cheap shoes.

When J and I started doing the minimal shoe thing, I told my Mom about it, and she wasn't surprised. She said she couldn't keep shoes on me since I was born. I do know I've always loved being barefoot. Never been a big fan of socks. So switching to as little shoe as possible wasn't a big stretch for me. Ha.

My feet are not pretty. I never paint my toes. Well, so rarely it's not even annual. I have horrid callouses. I mean horrid. And now I have eczema on my feet. It started on fingers, and spread to my toes. Then my face. I guess that's another post.

Anywho! Feet! Yes feet. I have never in my life ever had a pedicure. Well, not a real pedicure. Well, not from a professional. I've had pedicures from my best friend and from her nieces. In fact, for years, I hid my feet.

It's my deformity. Yes it is a deformity. It didn't form correctly, so it is deformed. I've had doctors look at it. It doesn't cause pain, doesn't throw me off balance, doesn't really do anything at all. One doc said it's probably just a tendon that didn't grow with the others or is pulled taut for some reason. My midget toes, as I call them, barely have a toe nail. The nail bed is pretty much nonexistent. It has all the knuckles, but they're like piled on top of each other. I can't wear shoes that are cut low over the toes because they rub on the midgets, and while they don't seem to have a lot of feeling the rest of the time, you put a shoe seam on them and they scream. Vibram 5 Fingers? Oh hell no!

People always have to ask about it. I don't mind little kids asking. They just kinda look at it funny and then look at me. It's simple. Adults want to know if I have an extra toe, or if I'm missing a toe (I never understand that one). And how did it happen? And why? And I don't know? How could I not know? Was it always like that? When did it happen?

I'd rather you just look, think "how odd" and move on. Please and thank you.

Of course, my feet have their pluses. I know how to make it look like I have a bit of an arch. I can stand on one foot, either foot, and I'm getting better at it with the Yoga classes. I was always pretty good at standing for long amounts of time.

I walk a lot, including the Bataan. I can run now, and just ran over a mountain. I am picky about my shoes again, but in a different way. I still love being barefoot and hate socks. That also means I get runner toe sometimes, but I already believe feet were meant to be ugly, so yeah. My feet have really been taking me places lately. And Rembrandt loves them. Of course, he loves all feet, but hey, he loves me.

OMG I got so lost in this post. First Rembrandt wanted some snuggles. Then Duke tried to crawl on my laptop and hit the delete key. Then a friend started texting with gmail trouble. Oh, and I got a phone call from a weird number with no answer, and a google search said it tends to be a scammer anyway. Dog wanted out, then cat wanted out, now both want in. BRB.

I'll finish with a picture, so you can see my weird feet. I promise I will not do pictures for every body part. Just the PG ones. Then again, I could just make sure the body part is clothed. I guess that would make it PG.

My tootsies and tattoo #1
 And just for your viewing pleasure, interruption first.
the flash makes my eyes weird, mommy
I hope people read the whole post just for this final photo. It's worth it.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

The Big D

It's official. The Big D. Deployment, that is. And by official, I mean he's gone already. Yes, J is in "an undisclosed location in southwest Asia." Yes. That's all I'm supposed to say.

He's at an airforce base, so it's pretty posh compared to the soldiers stationed in Afghanistan. He has a pool, a gym, places to eat out, his own room with a shared bathroom.

So my mom came down to spend some time with me. She said by the time she leaves I will be sick of her and ready to be on my own. Can you tell we're related? She brought me a cooler of beef and lamb from back home. Oh yes, good times. She also brought her sewing machine. We're going to sew together.

So far things have been OK. Yesterday, mom and I spent the whole afternoon with my pseudo-nephew, B. His mommy, my good friend, was having baby number 2. She was born yesterday evening. I've yet to meet her, but I'm excited!

Unfortunately, I also got a migraine yesterday. Still here today. It's not a bad one, but it's there.

So, mom and I have plans to sew, and shop, and visit. And she'll be here to greet me at the finish line of the Transmountain Challenge. That will be nice.

But right now the screen is making my head hurt, and the cat is laying on my arms as I type, and he's a little heavy for that. So I'm going to wrap it up. I'll write a better post later.