I don't know what to title this post

I've been debating this post for a while now. Still not sure I should be writing it as I write it.

I can't say all I want to say, for safety reasons. But J is leaving. This will be our first deployment. I've been expecting this for quite a while now. The hard part is that it all got moved up. Things are happening now, on a shortened schedule. Plans we had started making will never happen. Plans we had already made aren't happening. Our lives have been flipped upside down.

Of course, I knew this would happen someday. We signed up for this, right? It still doesn't make it easy.

So I'm doing my best to make sure things at home are taken care of. Like getting J's jeep fixed, getting an appointment for our taxes, making sure we have food to eat. And J is running around like a mad man trying to get work done.

Then there are small things that I'm not sure how to handle. Like our wine. It should have been bottled and ready to drink soon. It's still in the carboy because we cannot, for some reason, get it to degas. Chianti is not supposed to have any bubbles in it. Part of me wants to dump it, call it a loss, and put it all away for a year. Another part says to bottle it and use it as cooking wine. Either way, it's going to be me making a decision and doing it. I'm not good at decision making.

I'm just stressing out. Nothing new in Charla-land. I know things will be fine in the end. I just don't want to go through the stressful beginning. I think Remy is feeling the tension, too. He's become picky about his food, and he cries more. Like right now. I don't know what he wants, except attention. I'm sure Duke feels it also, but he shows it by maybe snuggling a little more, or taking an extra nap in the afternoon. I show it by getting headaches.

I'm really rambling now. If I don't post much, or you just don't see me around as much, it's because I'm getting as much J time in as I can, and trying to not complain all the time. I can't say where or when he's going. Hell, we don't even have specific dates yet. Just rumors. I swear the Army runs on rumors.

So that is my whole life right now. Sending J off and away. And my head hurts, so I'm going to finish this and drink my tea. 


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